I know, my blog has been a bit of a ghost town until now. I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long! It’s been months and months since writing and so much has happened. Something huge that has surprised and shocked me and also changed the entire course of my life’s journey. Something I thought would never happen has actually happened! This has both delighted me while also prompting me to retreat into my Cancerian shell.
Last year was huge for me. I took many steps outside my comfort zone. The most significant leap was sharing my fertility struggles. It’s not something that was easy to do, but it was something I felt I needed to do. It also allowed me to reveal a part of me with those who know me well. Fertility can be a challenging topic to speak about. Writing about it was healing for me. You can read about my fertility journey here and about how I made peace with this news here.
The setbacks that we have in life can often lead us on the path to where we are destined to be. Looking back, I understand that it was all for a reason, a higher purpose and a catalyst for me to truly grow and understand myself. It has also taught me the biggest lesson in gratitude.
At the end of last year, my husband and I were blessed with the news that I was pregnant. At first, I couldn’t believe that the positive pregnancy test was true. I didn’t allow myself to feel any emotions, even after the third positive test. With my ‘infertility diagnosis’ I thought it was something to do with menopause. Once the doctor confirmed it, I just cried, a really ugly cry too! Breaking the news to my husband is a day that we will both never forget.
Of course, after wanting this for the last four years, I spent most of my first trimester feeling a little bit scared. I just wanted everything to be ok. Coming from a place where I believed that this was not on the cards for me, it felt surreal and unbelievable, and well into my second trimester I still felt this way. I just couldn’t believe it, even with my growing tummy.
I’ve been in my own world and not sure how to share my surprising news with you on this blog. I have definitely gone within myself and felt many different emotions. I’ve been worried, ecstatically happy, disconnected and dazed! Most of all I’ve felt blessed and deeply, deeply grateful.
I’m not saying that women who fall pregnant easily don’t have these same feelings, but for someone who has been trying for years and years and has been told that it wouldn’t happen naturally, this is just the most amazing news in the world! Every day I wake up and know how blessed I am, because after four years I know what it’s like to want to be pregnant. Every day my husband and I acknowledge how grateful and lucky we are because we were given a ten percent chance of this even happening.
As I write this, I am now in my third trimester and the news has finally sunk in! With each day, week and pregnancy milestone, I am getting so much closer to meeting our baby girl. Miracles happen everyday.
I’m so excited to share some of the lessons and learning that I have experienced in the past few years, including most recently with my pregnancy. My future posts will be more personal than what I have written in the past. I would love to hear from you if you have any questions or are going through something similar so please leave a comment or a message. Thank you so much for coming along on this journey with me.x